i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
