Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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