I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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