In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
