So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is Oprah even human
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
