Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
