I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
