sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
