i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
