If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
