Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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