We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
