I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize