We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
