I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
