I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
