Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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