my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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