i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
