i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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