The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I deserve this hangover.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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