I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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