connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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