C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
