I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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