I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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