i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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