help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize