And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
