I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
