Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
