the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
