My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
