Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
