margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
