These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
