OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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