Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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