Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
