I cannot find my penis.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
