so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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