just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
