i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
