If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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