Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
