i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
