Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
