I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize