And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
