Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
