Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
