I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sext me about skeletons
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
