i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
