So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
