Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
