she smelled like a LAN party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
