I faked an abortion last night.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
