when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
