I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
