I am puke
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
