Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
