Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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