New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
