I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
