Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
