I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
