I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
