turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
